Avoid Becoming a Statistic

When I first approached women about their experiences with sex in their long-term relationships, many insisted that all they could contribute was "everything you would want to know about missionary style." And, as an aside, they jokingly offered to share all their "secrets" about how to "get [sex] over with as soon as possible." With this kind of frequent commentary from women in long-term committed relationships, I am not at all surprised by the number of people who are unhappy about their sex lives or, for that matter, having affairs and getting divorced.

My Passion Seeker friends and I conducted an unofficial count of all the women we knew who had an affair or were having an affair. We were shocked by the fact that each of us could think of at least two different women, and many of those women were now divorced or living with a strained relationship at home. Granted, some of these women had an affair in retaliation for their spouse's indiscretions, but they were nevertheless cheating (or had cheated) on their mate.

According to the National Opinion Research Center's Reports on Sexual Behavior, the number of wives cheating on their husbands in the United States is on the rise. Their findings show that in the last twelve to fifteen years, the percentage of previously or currently married women who have ever been involved in an extramarital affair has risen while the rate for men has remained about the same. This means that the "infidelity gap" has narrowed. (See "The Current Estimates for the United States" below.) An Internet search will bring up many Web sites geared toward women who are cheating - or wanting to cheat - or men who are looking for married women to cheat with. Reports vary widely as to the actual percentage of women in committed relationships who are cheating in the United States, but some experts put the number as high as 55 percent (see "The Current Estimates for the United States" below).

Letting the passion slip away from our relationship sounds like a quick way to become another statistic - one of the approximately 50 percent divorcing or the estimated 40 to 55 percent having affairs (see the list below). Of course, there are many other stresses on a marriage, but just as most marriage counselors will tell us, discontent in the bedroom is one of the biggest. What are we accomplishing by sticking our head in the sand and trying not to think about how much we miss the passionate newness of those early days?